


I dream of the day we can be together

by wonuji



Series: Cutting Branches For A Temporary Shelter [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Possibly Triggering, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love, self hate, woozi centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:31:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8308543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonuji/pseuds/wonuji
Summary: He can't sleep because his mind is filled with Wonwoo, Wonwoo, Wonwoo.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It was like 1AM when I wrote this half unconscious. I'm not sure what I was aiming for. Jihoon is just a regular fan who has depression and deals with a lot of stuff. Wonwoo is in Seventeen, but it doesn't consist of Jihoon and Soonyoung. Idk really I think I projected myself into Jihoon too much whoops. 
> 
> ♫ Svefn-G-Englar by Sigur Ros ♫

**12:33AM**

Jihoon feels _it_ again. He doesn't know what _it_ is but it’s uncomfortable and he wants it to go away. He curls up in bed and tries to sleep. He has a long day tomorrow, but he starts to hear the bad thoughts again.

 

**7:30AM**

Jihoon finds his way to the bathroom. He needs to pee really fucking bad. He reminds himself to not drink two bottles of soda before bed, but when does he ever listen to himself.

 

**8:30AM**

Soonyoung is running late, again. When will the kid ever get his priorities straight? He sits on his couch and scrolls through his phone; checking out things he's missed throughout the night and stops when he sees a new picture of _him._ Jihoon feels warmth inside of him and saves it to his phone. He hears a yell from outside and bids his mom goodbye as he leaves the house to campus with Soonyoung beside him; walking to the bus stop.

 

**11:20AM**

It's almost lunch time and Jihoon is waiting in a study room with Soonyoung who is doing who knows what on his laptop. Jihoon is on his own; finishing assignments he was assigned earlier today. He can't handle all the math in his brain so he checks his phone once again and sees another picture of _him._ His heart starts beating fast and his emotions want to take over, but he's in public for fucks sake and he will not burst into tears over Jeon Wonwoo here.

 

**6:10PM**

He’s back home and hears his mother yelling and the feeling in his stomach is back. He silently goes upstairs and hides in his room. He falls into his bed with a sigh and curls up. He hears his mom call for him and he gets up; doing whatever task she needed him to do.

 

**9:47PM**

Jihoon is in bed on his phone and he sees new photos of Wonwoo. He had a performance today and seeing a photo of him smiling washes the weight on Jihoon’s shoulders away. He is filled with such admiration; such _love_ as Soonyoung says. Jihoon knows Soonyoung was right.

 

_“I don't know what it is, but when I see him I feel so alive. Like he gives me such strength and whatever bad thoughts I had are washed away with just the thought of him.”_

 

 _“That's called_ **_love_ ** _, Jihoon.”_

 

**12:20AM**

It’s one of _those_ nights again. Where the bad thoughts eat him alive. Where he's whimpering in bed with tears falling down his face.

 

_No good._

_A failure._

_A mistake._

_An asshole._

_An ungrateful child._

_Better off dead._

 

They are all too much. He wants it to stop. He prays for the thoughts to go away. He knows deep inside they aren't true. Yet he stares at the bottle of painkillers. He thinks about taking a handful and sleeping. He _wants_ to take a handful and sleep. He wants to sleep forever, but as he closes his eyes he sees Wonwoo. He feels so dizzy and nauseous. He opens his eyes and holds his stomach. Soon the feeling disappears and he stares into nothing. He feels calm. He feels okay. He's grateful. He's grateful for the gift he has been given; for the gift that is Jeon Wonwoo.

 

**1:43AM**

He can't sleep because his mind is filled with _Wonwoo_ , _Wonwoo_ , _Wonwoo_. He is filled with so much love it's almost overwhelming. He feels gross in a way. How can he be this in love with someone he's never even met. Someone he has only ever seen on TV. Yet those thoughts are pushed back by more thoughts of him. How his nose crinkles when he smiles or how he loves to read. How he looks so ethereal with his glasses on. How he is moon that brightens the lonely night sky. How he is so perfectly imperfect. He takes a deep breath to calm his heart. The mere thought of Wonwoo has his racing.

 

He closes his eyes and is welcomed by the image of Wonwoo. His soft smiling face bringing him warmth in the cold night. His body feels heavy and he feels sleep calling him. He relaxes into his pillows and curls up into the blankets. He thinks about Wonwoo singing to him in his deep voice that he loves so much. He falls asleep remembering his voice playing over and over again in his head.

 

 _Jihoon knows he can't ever have Wonwoo as his. He knows it was silly to fall_ **_so_ ** _in love with an idol. He knows one day he'll have to get over_ **_this_ ** _; whatever it is._

 

_Jihoon is fully aware of all this. Yet sometimes he wonders if in another life Wonwoo could be his. He wonders if Wonwoo was ever his in a past life. He wonders and wonders, because there has to be an explanation on why he feels so strongly for Wonwoo; a complete stranger._

  
_There was a quote Jihoon once saw. Something about a guardian angel is a person who comes to you in a time of need. You can't keep that person in your life forever, because they aren't yours to keep. They come and go when you are healed. Jihoon thinks Wonwoo might be his angel. That Wonwoo will be in his life until Jihoon gets better. Until the day Jihoon’s bad thoughts are washed away for good. Jihoon wants that day to come so bad but he doesn't want Wonwoo to leave. He knows he'll have to though. Wonwoo has his own life to live and Jihoon, no matter how much he wants to be, isn't apart of it._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn't too terrible I looked it over only twice so sorry for mistakes. Idk why I chose Jihoon maybe it's because I feel like he is similar to myself in a way. Like I said I projected too much I'm sorry lol.


End file.
